Where are the answers hiding?

I'm going through that stage in my life again where i question everything, including my faith.
I'm not in any way religious and at times i question religion and the institutes they belong to. This started whilst driving past a church with a sign out the front that said 'Come to church and book a spot in heaven'. So you are telling me that i can be a mass murderer but still attended church and when the time comes i will be accepted into heaven?? Someone like me who tries to lead a good life and have good morals but doesn't attended church, I'm not going to heaven. Redemption to me is way too easy these days, i mean isn't taking a life the worst of sins? I guess I'm just a little upset my place in heaven has been taken by some creep because he goes to church....

I never thought questioning my faith would have such an impact on my life, i watch people who are practising catholics and they seem fulfilled, like they know the answers to life. I wish i could wear a cross around my neck, attended church and be a good person in the image of Christ but Catholicism is a bitter pill for me to swallow. Some churches to me are a meeting place for sheep , for people who want to be part of an organisation without having a day to day relationship with God. To me a Church is a place where religion is forced down your throat and its either their way or no way. It is the greatest example of reverse phycology, you believe in what we say and follow our rules or your basically going to hell, talk about threatening people to conform. Jesus and Paul preached that people should have real relationships with God, not through a church.

Recently i read the book 'The Shack' and i felt much more at ease after reading it. I understood that i didn't need a church to have a relationship with God and Jesus and let me tell you what a weight off my shoulders that was. I am forever searching for books that may help me with my questions, which is hard seeing i don't even know what they are. Is my torment in not knowing what to believe in, simply a punishment for questioning things in which i should just accept?

With free will comes a price and personal responsibility. I believe that God certainly understands and their dying on the cross was not in vain . We are forgiven. When we recognize and accept that love and forgiveness....the bondages of guilt, anger, shame,regrets can melt away and finally when we look in the mirror,as the book mentions it will again be clean and the person God has so graciously and patiently waited for will be able to look back at the face in the mirror with love and thankfulness. This is where i want to be in life with my faith but writing it is a lot harder then actually believing it.

Lets hope Arsenal go to Man City this weekend and show them that money wont always buy you success. Come on Arsenal!! Show Adebayor what he is missing out on... (not that we want him) What is the big deal with Eduardo? As if he is the first player to have dived in a match. Poor guy! How do we know he didnt go down to escape a nasty clash, after his last clash i dont blame the guy. How bout Gerrards clear dive against Ath Madrid in the champions league and that was in the group stages? Does this mean people like Ronaldo, Drogba, Torres and Adebayor will all be punished? What a joke Fifa and the Uefa is....